Choosing Joy

I'm steeped in reading "1,000 Gifts" and am brought to tears again and again.

I'm acknowledging how so much of my life has been getting through this and holding on until we can call this the past.  It makes me sad.

It makes me realize how much I need to stop.

Even today.

Even this week.

The pain in my hands and arms has risen to an all time high.

Compounded by the emotions of fear and anxiety over the fact that the lupus is back.

Heightened by worries brought to me from others.

I take it all in and I spin.

I try to make it better by thinking of options, thinking, thinking, thinking.

Don't get me wrong, I am praying, but I'm thinking too much.

I know this pattern in me.

It is so ingrained that even though in my heart I know it's wrong.

My head still tries to take over.

I have to force myself to calm.  To relax.  To rest in the Lord.

I'm accepting that right now He is calling me to slow down.  To stop.  To rely on others.

In counting my own 1,000 gifts, in seeing the Eucharisteo... the giving of thanks.... and in doing so I too can find joy in the midst of troubles.

I couldn't think of a better book for me right now.  I need to change my thinking in the way I need to breathe.

I thank you Ann for writing it and for leading so many of us to quiet ourselves in order to give thanks to the Lord.

I am thankful for.....

#55 Being forced to slow down, to do only what I can and to rest in knowing it's ok that I can do no more.

#56 The support and love of friends through prayers and physical help when I am literally weak.

#57 Eyes to see what is, not what is not.

#58 Growing confidence in my middle one

#59 The joy that comes from just loving my children, pure and simple.

#60 A jacuzzi that soothes my aching body

#61 A day to read and sleep while a friend picks up my kids

#62 The aching starting to fade and feeling a little more normal

#63 Dancing with my family despite the pain.. and in doing so finding some of it lifting

#64 Seeing my daughter (the one who can be so painfully shy in public) with her dad and the glow she gets when he spins and dips her

#65 Celebrating my baby turning 4

#66 Having it somewhere else so that when it was over I didn't have the clean up

#67 The regal way she carries herself, because she is a true princess

#68 An early Valentines pizza party with a dear friend and our kids

#69 Gluten free rice dough that made pizza yummy and healthy for me

#70 A sister who is expecting and the joys of all the preparations

#71 Making little changes in our home

#72 Knowing God is providing, always

#73 Finding peace again

I'll add more pictures as I'm able..because there are more to tell this story.

For more inspiration, head over to A Holy Experience...