Wednesday, November 20, 2013

hard choices

In life sometimes we have to make hard choices.
And we try, as hard as we might to avoid them.
But when God shows you the way, 
you must just move.
Putting one foot in front of the other.  
And obey.

That is where I've been.

I have been brought to such a place where I equate
it as feeling like I'm on remote control.  God is holding
the remote and I'm literally just walking through the
next open door.  And He is so clearly paving the way.
Putting people in my path, circumstances before me,
and making it so very clear.   

I'm doing none of the analyzing and over thinking that
can be my nature.  And it is so freeing.

In this strange and unchartered territory I feel so at peace.
And can count joys and blessings all around me.
I've been sick.  Very sick for some time.
I'm still not well.  I'm depleted and worn down.

And this led to a decision to make a literal move
for my children to an area where the school district is amazing.

It was a scary leap and one I didn't anticipate making so soon.  But God's
hand has been all over every step of the way.  And I feel so at peace.

They are thriving. 

I see his confidence growing.
And her too.
And this one, well last night she spoke words I thought I may never hear.
She said, "I love reading."  For a dyslexic child who has struggled so
very much, this progress is huge.
And I find my joy overflowing.

I am appreciating all the little things.

This neighborhood park.
The light.
The sense of community.
Oh the community.  
I didn't even know what I was missing.
When I told my friend how amazing everyone has been here
she said, "It's like you're in the south.  That's how they are in the south."
I've never known anything other than the bustle of the city where everyone
is kind of in their own world.  I didn't know what it felt like to have people
reach out to help you with your kids, to help you with carpools, to bring over
muffins, and brownies, and give lend a helping hand.  

I didn't know how much I was lacking, until it all landed in my lap.

And in this process I'm ever so grateful.

This sign in my very own driveway.
Literally telling me to SLOW
and reminding me that it
is safe enough for my children to play
right there in the street.
The beauty is everywhere.
The kindness of dear friends reaching out to help.  
With meals, their time.
A listening ear, and prayer.
I'm learning to say ok to the help.
To admit I need it.
To accept that it's ok to not take care of it all.
And to feel the love of God through others' care.

It's almost too much to bear, but in a good way, you know.
God is speaking to me in so many ways.

Most clearly, that it is time to rest, and to heal.

And so that is where I am.

We are still very much living out of boxes.
And that is hard for me.

But I'm learning to let go of so very much.

To purge what isn't needed.  

To peel off the layers of what wasn't working.

And to rest at His feet.  

To learn again what it means to breathe.

To rebuild.

To dream.

To rise up. 

"Arise, shine, for your light has come,
and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.
See, darkness covers the earth
and thick darkness is over the peoples;
but the LORD rises upon you."
Isaiah 60:1-2


Kim said...

I was wondering where you have been…. It seems like you have done a lot in a month and half… wow! Congrats on the move! Does this mean all the kids are in school now?? Where did you move? If you don't want to say, I understand ; ) I am glad you are back. I love looking at your photos and your life. Blessings on your new adventure...

Shelley McGrew said...

Lovely post - although a stranger to you - I'm happy for you.

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