Present

My word for the year.


PRESENT.


Being present in the moment, thinking of the present, not yesterday or tomorrow, seeing even the difficult as a present, a gift, that the Lord's hand is upon.


It's nearly the half way mark and we're challenged to check in on our word, how it has changed us, how we've practiced it and how we might want to try to live it out more effectively.


The biggest change for me this year has been practicing not letting the past affect today.


I've had some big things in my past haunt me and I tell you I'm bound and determined to close the door, to not ruminate, to not let those things seep into the beauty of today.  It takes such mental practice to stop the thoughts right in their tracks, to stop the enemy from robbing joy.  It is getting easier and I know the Lord is growing me up in this way.  I'm so grateful and it makes me feel stronger in my faith, seeing that it really works.

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

2 Corinthians 10:5

This goes for the future as well.  In January I wrote that I was so excited to see the plans the Lord has set out for this year.   It hasn't been as smooth as I would have liked.  We began, just days into the new year with the unexpected death of our 11-year-old four legged baby Bella.  And much of this year has been sprinkled with discovering developmental delays and learning challenges for one of our children.  They're subtle, but still it's affecting a lot of decisions for the future for our whole family.  I haven't written about it here, but it has been heavy on my mind and prayer life.  In this process of evaulations and assessments and suggestions from experts there are words thrown out and diagnosis that sometimes sound so negative for a girl like me who can start spinning.  But I am trusting the Lord has His hand upon this as well.

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Luke 12:7

It takes practice to rest in Him, to rest in His peace, to just rest in the PRESENT.  I haven't been very good at this in my life.  But in the past couple of years, He's teaching me.  So often we don't learn when it's easy do we?  It takes practice and we're given circumstances to practice.  Seeing the blessing in the circumstances is changing me.

I was thinking the other day in terms of general sadness over life circumstances, not the big things, but the little things that sort of bum you out.  And I know we all know this, but it was like the Lord took me by the shoulders and reminded me that I have him within me, He is a part of me and that is just so, so amazing and reason to rejoice from the mountain tops.  If I have Him by my side, walking through all of this with me, why in the world am I letting these petty things that are going to be a blip on the map of my life bring me down.  Really.  Think of the amazing gift you've been given of knowing Him and calling Him friend.  Snapped me out of my mood I tell you.


I think the best part of practicing being PRESENT is I'm learning to lean on God.  Really, truly, know He's in control.


It's so easy to say it, but to feel it.  That has been a struggle for me for years.


One of the biggest ways I wanted to practice being PRESENT is with my family.  I have mourned over the fact that it felt like those newborn years would be here forever and suddenly they're gone.  We're in a new phase of life of school and schedules, practices and lots of miles on the road.  I yearn for those simple days of naps and park outings and mommy and me music classes.  But you know, I totally acknowledge that those days had challenges of their own and I didn't always find them blissful the way I reminisce about them today.

I know that one day I'll look back on today and all this craziness and be reminiscent wishing it hadn't flown by so quickly.  I'm realizing the only way to not look back and feel remorse about the days gone by is to really truly be present with my kids, to soak in all the little stories and joys and outings and miles on the road to and from school and schedules.  

I will miss this one day.  So I want to lock it in my mind, in my memory by being present, really truly present.  And I want my kids to know I cared about the little details of their lives, I wasn't just shuttling from one thing to another in a hurry to check off our to do list.  I want to be a part of their world, of their lives, their little moments.

I want to feel the moment.  Do you know what I mean?  The way you remember the smell of your newborn's skin, the softness of their fuzzy hair.  Each and every phase has it's own visceral memories.  If I'm present today, I'll have them to hold onto forever.

el capitan july 2008

I still need to work on being even more present when I'm making dinner and they want me to come see something or when I need to answer a call or an email and a little one is tugging at my arm.  It's all about balance isn't it?  Some things are urgent, but a lot aren't.  

This is where I've made an intentional effort to be more selfless.

Sometimes it's hard though.  I'll feel just plain tired.  But I'm aware of that nudging from the Holy Spirit to get up, to push past my tiredness for them, so they know I truly care about their cares.

These are the little things that matter to them. This is what makes them feel loved and how I can build them up.  And I can't get this present back.


I'm seeing more and more the present of my husband.  How grateful I am for him and how much I need to treasure our moments together as the gift they are and let him know how much I treasure him.  We're in such a good place of truly being friends and partners leading our little ones to know and love the Lord and growing up our family prayerfully to glorify Him.  I feel the Lord so strongly in his life as the leader of our home and and sense how He has knit us together stronger than we were before.

I have one more take on being present and it should have been first, it certainly is foremost in my life.  To be present with God.  To focus in my prayer and quiet time, to talk to him as the friend He is.  To be present with him all throughout my day and to talk freely about Him to others when the opportunity arises. 

A verse that has been coming to me time and again especially in regards to the future is:

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

Matthew 6:33

When I start to veer from being present, to thinking about the past or worrying about the future I think of Him and I think of how He works all things for good.  I've seen it happen, so who am I to doubt.  When I start to let the worry or anxiety creep in I have to stop and remember all I have to do is seek after Him.  He's there, He knows.  And it's ok, for me to not understand.  All I need to do is trust.

Project Life Tuesday

This is new to me, but not new to so many.


I love it and had to take the leap.


I love this time of year, the feeling of new beginnings.


Project Life Tuesday is about taking one photo from every day of the week 

and actually putting them together with a quick line or two of journaling.  

It's a way to chronicle the every day moments of our lives.  

A way to be PRESENT in them.

And a way to document those little details we think we'll always remember, 

but sadly with time will become blurry.

Which is why I want to take a moment today to cherish the present, 

also knowing that my future self will be so glad I did. 

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Ava's kindergarten artwork sent home from school.  

A snowman painted with kid writing explaining what she made.

Sheer excitement over the new play-yard daddy bought from Costco.  The boxes proved just as worthy play toys while daddy sorted the hundreds of pieces of wood together.

Getting supplies for Ava's birthday party at Target I came across these I (heart) U vases in the dollar section at Target.  They make me smile. 

Enjoying early mornings with my kids still in their jammies.  Sitting around the kitchen table, talking, watching the birds, reading the bible together before the rush to get out the door.  

I always want to freeze that time and let it last forever.

Lots and lots of this was happening this week.  

Every second she could, Audrey was with Daddy, his little shadow, 

helping him build the new play-yard.

When I have a lot on my plate one of two things happen.

I'll either be fine and kick into high gear, or I'll start to feel like I have organizational ADD.  

I start and half finish a lot of things, 

but I wind up feeling frustrated with myself 

because nothing is getting completed.  

On my way to put one thing away I get side tracked 

with something else I need to do and my path changes, 

then I discover something else in that process and on and on it goes. 

Does this happen to you?  

Oh when it does I start to feel like I'm spinning. 

That was happening.

But Saturday I knuckled down and sat still long enough to make her.  

She is the cake topper for my 

daughter's 6th birthday (using this pdf...so excited) coming up this weekend.

  

I was just so happy to actually complete something!

This weekend the weather was beautiful.  

Two kids had runny noses so we stayed home and did nothing.  

Nothing but hang out outside enjoying the sunshine and each other's company.  

1,000 Gifts

After my experience counting 100 Joys during Christmas, I'm inspired to continue with some structure for this little blog.

For years I've read Ann Voskamp's blog and today I jumped feet first, not only to buy her new book, but to join in the Bloom book study and to begin counting my own 1,000 gifts. 

To see this video, I can tell the book will be amazing and this journey will most assuredly be life changing.

Won't you join me in doing any or all of these.  Perhaps you already are.

To open our eyes to the extraordinary in the ordinary, to see the thousands of gifts He lays before us every day.

Oh and to focus on all that is pure and lovely.  We must in order to push out the darts the enemy tries to throw.

This weekend I had quite a few trying to bring me down.  It started to work.  But thankfully I have a God who is bigger than this, I have a husband willing to listen and to pray with me and I have eyes to see the beauty all around me.  I have the hope in Christ that He is working all things for good for those who love him.

So here we go...as I embark on the beginning of my 1,000 gifts.

1.  It seems only right that I start with my Heavenly father.. and His word.  For the thousands upon thousands of ways he provides and comforts and rescues and fills with joy and hope and love.  For His undying love and everlasting peace. Oh I could go on and on.  For today I'm specifically thankful for my Community Bible Study on the faithful servants of God.  And for this book giving scriptural references to animals being in heaven.  From my previous posts, I've mentioned I really needed something like this right now.  

2.  My husband of fourteen years who works tirelessly and joyfully to provide for us.  For the ways he's so positive even through the hard times.  For the ways he has turned his life over to the Lord and completely trusts in Him.  It's a faith that has inspired me and has helped us grow together.

3.  These three kids that have been placed in our care, for such a short while really.  Though at times they bicker and fight, they look so sweet in this pretty light.  I just had to say that.. it rhymed too well. ;)

Each one I see growing longer and leaner and becoming more of the big person they're meant to be.  Oh it's scary how fast I see them changing and pulling away and that is another reason I want to embark on being PRESENT in counting these moments as the gifts they are.  (For those of you new here, that's my one word for the year... which is why I'm making a point to bold it when it finds it's way into my day).

4.  The silly faces and poses she makes for the camera, even when she's home sick.

5.  Seeing the joy of her biting into her first subway sandwich.

6.  Her 'pilly' which is her baby crib bumper.  It has been her 'lovey' from the time she was a baby, clinging to it and carrying it everywhere she goes.

7.  And her teeny crossed over toes, just like her mamma had when she was young.

8.  His spunk and energy and everlasting search for outdoor adventure.

9.  The amazing way they can pretend play with just about anything.  

10. The chance to be with them.  To really be with them.  To be 100% PRESENT.  Feeling well and healthy and not taking a second of it for granted.  

Wearing this hat just because I wanted to, not because I had to.  For over a year I wore a hat every second of every moment outdoors.  With the lupus diagnosis I was told I had to.  It felt like a stronghold in a way.  I suddenly had to fear the sun and shun it.  Something that is so warming and brings such joy and peace and suddenly I had to hide from it.  Thankfully I am in remission and I'm not saddled with that fear now.  I praise God for that.  And even the sun I no longer take for granted.

11.  The surprisingly warm January weather that meant we all could head into the jacuzzi after dinner.  Making this mamma really ready for bed.  But first I wanted to make sure I posted this.  Which brings me to a question.  How do people find time to write all these fabulous blog posts with amazing photos.  I love them, really love them and find them so inspiring.  But man doing my own really takes time.  No matter how much I try to bust it out quickly, the loading and sizing and spacing etc.  it just takes time.  Sometimes I really wonder how you all manage to do it all????

12.  And last but not least tonight.. this beautiful full moon, or nearly full moon.  The picture doesn't do it justice.  Thank you Lord for a beautiful holiday off as a family spending the day outside just being PRESENT.

Happy New Year

1.1.11

This trip has been a gift.

A true gift to my spirit.

Taken By A Little Person (unbeknownst to me)

Sleeping in, walks around the lake, 
drinking coffee looking at an amazing view, 
lots of playing games and exploring nature.  
A perfect family time shared with a family we adore.

We spent last New Years week with them as well.  
The husband is a pastor and they have an awesome tradition of 
ringing in the new year with communion, praise for the year that was 
and prayers for the year to come.  
It's so different from the celebrations you see televised.  
But a tradition I have now come to love.

Like so many of you, I have been evaluating this last year. 
Looking at the beauty around me and sense of peace I have today, 
I praise the Lord for doing an amazing work in my life this last year.  
I faced some of the hardest trials I've ever known.  
And through them all I have seen His hand at work.  
In some circumstances I felt a sense of hopelessness.  
To see where He has brought me today, 
He truly has turned beauty for ashes.  
And I praise Him for the way He has held me up 
and carried me through some very dark days.

"he will give beauty for ashes, 

joy instead of mourning, 

praise instead of despair.  

For the LORD has planted them 

like strong and graceful oaks 

for his own glory."  

Isaiah 61:3 NLT

I am so thankful for all kinds of healing that has taken place in my life 
and I'm so thankful that a prayer I lifted up last new years eve 
actually came to fruition.  
On that night I prayed to be able to pursue the dream 
of doing scripture art.  
I'm so thankful it actually happened.

I have been praying for a couple of things through the last few days.

I have wanted to join in two New Year's traditions.

One is to choose a word to represent the year 

as Alece is doing at grit and glory.  

A word that represents something you want to work on, 

something God is working on in you.

I had been praying for the Lord to bring me the right word.  
I had been thinking about it, and many ideas came to mind.  
But the one that whispered to me most prominently 
and was reconfirmed this morning is PRESENT.

It represents a lot to me.  
It represents paying attention to what is, not what isn't.  
Do you know what I mean?  
I have had a tendency to let things from the past ruin the present.  
It can spiral my mind and my spirit downward without warning 
and ruin the joy of today.  
So I'm committing this year to being PRESENT in the now, 
to not think about what happened yesterday or what is to come.

I also want to be 100% present with my kids, with my family, 
with friends, with people the Lord puts in my path.  
In being 100% present I want to think of all the reasons to be filled with joy, 
to be filled with praise in the now.  
Because there are so many that can easily be taken for granted.

I want to be present in the moment and I want to see today as the gift it is.

And the other New Year's Resolution I have is to join Beth Moore 
in memorizing 24 scriptures this year.  
Choosing the scriptures on the 1st and the 15th each month 
and committing to memorizing them, really memorizing them.  
I have a tendency to memorize for awhile, and then it fades.  
Then I have the gist of the scripture, but not the whole thing.  
I don't like that.  I want to change that.

Again, I had been praying about which scripture to start the new year.  
This one brought tears to my eyes and that's how I knew it was the one 
the Lord wanted me to focus on.  
It goes hand in hand with my word PRESENT.  
It's about taking my thoughts captive to Christ 
and pressing forward toward the goal.  
Both of those are great, but this one in the same vein, 
jumped out and grabbed me.

"Remember not the former things, 

nor consider the things of old.  

Behold, I am doing a new thing; 

now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  

I will make a way in the wilderness 

and rivers in the desert." 

Isaiah 43:18-19 ESV

I will focus this year on the PRESENT and the blessings in my life.  
I will praise Him for always going before me, laying out a path, 
and strengthening me with His rivers of living water.  
I will praise Him for the new things He is doing, that I see springing forth.  

I love how the New Living Translation puts verse 18.  

"But forget all that - 

it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.  
For I am about to do a brand-new thing.  

See I have already begun!"

How awesome is that?  It feels like God is talking right to you.  
I have seen the brand new thing He has begun.  
And I look forward to seeing what He has planned for this year.    

But the reason I chose the ESV to memorize is the line about rivers.  
For some reason it's what got me.  
The abundance of a river provided in a desert 
is what brought tears to my eyes.  

His river rescued me this year.  
Oh how much he pursues us and wants to bless us abundantly 
no matter where we are.    
He wants most of all for us to draw near to Him.  
And I want to hold onto that.   

Happy 2011 Everyone!