earth day

The most glorious thing happened.

My nine year old requested that we celebrate earth day

with a trip to the beach.

I'm all for celebrations, and all for earth day.

So off to the the beach we went.

First picking up some food for dinner and

my most favorite healthy treat.

And all of a sudden we realized there were whales.

Migrating whales.

These pictures don't do them justice.

It was amazing.  And beautiful.

And it felt like a gift.

God was sharing his wondrous creatures

with us right in the middle of our earth day celebration.

We ran along the shore, following 

their journey as long as we could.

My tween was slightly embarrassed.

Worried people were noticing us.

I remember those days.  The self conscious years.

But I said, "They're not looking at us, they're

looking at the whales.  They really could care less 

about us and will never see us again.  

Just enjoy this moment."

JUST ENJOY THE MOMENT.

I wanted to soak it in forever.

This special visit, by these mighty creatures

so close it felt like you could

touch them if you were brave enough.

And though so many scriptures could fit this moment.

The one that came to my mind was Ephesians 3:20.

"Now all glory to God, who is able,

through his mighty power at work within us,

to accomplish infinitely more than we might

ask or think."

He gifted us with so much more than I could have

ever even imagined to ask or think.

And in the same way, his mighty power at work

within us, can accomplish more than we might

ask or think.

And it takes the weight off doesn't it.

Knowing his power is doing a mighty work.

It's not on us at all.

And what he can do is beyond what we could even imagine.

And to that I say it was a beautiful earth day.

A memory I will cherish.

the light

of the morning is always so inspiring to me.
So new, full of promise.  So quiet and so reflective.

Sometimes, this light that streams in my dining room is stronger.
More vibrant.  This morning it reminded me of other mornings where the Lord used it very specifically to bring me hope.  Just when I needed it.
And I suspect, my eye being drawn to it this morning, was no exception.

Just yesterday my five year old, after vacation bible school announced
that God speaks to people.  It opened up the conversation about how God is always talking to all of us.
IF we just have eyes and ears to hear.

How a beautiful bird, or fluttering butterfly, or the glorious layers of colors on the mountains, and shades of light are God's artwork showing us he loves us.
And sometimes God uses those things to speak to our heart just when we need to feel His love.

So this morning I rise early, unable to sleep after my seven year old has finally gone back to bed after waking me in the wee hours.

She has hit another wall with her learning.
And with that comes tears and stress and waking in the night.
And this morning light, well it reminds me of this...

"weeping may last through the night, 

but joy comes in the morning."

Psalm 30:5

I completely know this isn't the heaviest of trials.  With her dyslexia and other learning challenges,
I just so badly want her to cross through this challenge and find some success.
To know that she can do it so that she can believe in herself.

Yesterday was a rough one for her.

And I am reminded how very much these little ones in our care, how we
are teaching them always.  And every challenge is a chance to breathe life
into them that it's ok to stumble.  We all do.  But it's the trying again that
matters.  And that mom and dad and God are all here.  She's not alone.

And I remind her of how she was afraid to dive in the pool.
She thought she couldn't do it, but then she did.

Or how riding a bike is hard at first, but then all of a sudden you can do it.

It's the same way.  This is hard right now, but practicing it.  Little by little
one day it will be easier.

"Remember Dory in Nemo?" I tell her.  Remember how she said, "Just keep swimming?"
Don't you think all those fish trying to swim free from the net found it really hard.
But they had to tell themselves to just keep swimming until they could break free.
"I know you're working so hard.  And I'm so proud of you.  I want you to think of those fish when it gets hard, and just keep trying.
Soon you will break free."

Right now she's wanting to shut down.  She's filled with "I can't" thoughts that bring lots of emotion.
But I know that the Lord is walking with her and He will let her break through to the other side of reading success.

I look forward to seeing that moment.  I'm praying for it for her.  And I'm confident in the midst of these struggles that the Lord is using them for her, for me as a mom.  To strengthen both of us and in the mean time I'm patiently waiting, knowing that when the growth springs forth, how beautiful that day will be.

"And (s)he shall be as the light of the morning, when the sun rises, even a morning without clouds; 
as the tender grass springing out of the earth 
by clear shining after rain."

2 Samuel 23:4

July is a special month for me.  It's my birthday!  And with that I have a couple of fun things to share, including a freebie.
So check back in with me.
I'll be sharing soon.

steadfast

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ,

after you have suffered a little while, will himself 

RESTORE you and make you STRONG,

FIRM and STEADFAST."

1 Peter 5:10

Do you feel steadfast today?
If you don't, take heart, because the God of all grace will make you so.

I have always loved how just prior to this part of 1 Peter he says "after you have suffered a little while."
Just a little while.
Though sometimes it feels endless, our current suffering truly is minimal compared
to the restoration He provides.

Are your eyes and ears open to the myriad of ways He's sending you signs of hope
and love and a better future?

The connections, coincidences, none of it is accidental.
This life is a gift, struggles and all.

Without them I may never have gotten to the end of myself.

Never learned what it feels like to call Him my Prince of Peace,
My Husband, My Friend, My Comforter, My Healer.

My All In All.

In my Community Bible Study we're studying 1 Peter.
It is so rich and so pertinent.

I have several friends walking rough roads right now.
I wanted to encourage them and you, if you're in a place where you need it.

I sometimes wonder if it's partially due to the fact that I have too much on my plate to spend the time stewing and stressing about things for very long the way I was once prone.

But more than that,  I've truly learned to rest in the knowledge that I've seen Him work all things for good time and again.

Really, really difficult things that could have ruined me.
But they didn't.
And through the process of sitting in the complicated, the difficult, the ugly,
the devastating, the things I didn't understand how or why,
a strength grew in me that I didn't know I had.
Sometimes my childhood friend and I talk about how this adult thing,
it's really not easy.  Those little girls with idyllic dreams, if they were told
what the future held, we wouldn't have believed it and certainly wouldn't have
said, "No problem, we can handle it."

But we can, we have and we are.  Because, just as children play the game of trust, we're free- falling backwards into our Father's arms, knowing He will always catch us.

He RESTORES us and makes us new.

The closeness to Christ that has come from the hardest of life's lessons, I wouldn't trade that for anything.

I used to wonder when it was that I'd feel like a grown up.  Getting married didn't do it.  Working a real job where I wore a suit every day, didn't do it.  Buying a house, even having a child, I still felt like a child myself playing in this grown up world.

And then I realized, it's walking through the hard things and learning to be OK with the unknown.  It's keeping life normal for those looking to you for guidance.

It's putting one foot in front of the other, making hard choices, and setting other's needs before your own, when all you want to do is crumble.  

These are the things that made me finally realize I'm truly grown up.
Gratefully, a grown up with Christ by my side.
Because I couldn't do it without Him.
It is this knowledge that makes me rise before the sun
to meet with him again and again.
To call Him friend, to seek His counsel, to feel His comfort.
And it is just this gratitude that stirs in me a desire to encourage those who are struggling,
by sharing His story of hope.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 

the Father of compassion 

and the God of all comfort, 

who comforts us in all our troubles, 

so that we can comfort those in any trouble 

with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  

For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, 

so also through Christ our comfort overflows."

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

saturdays

For the next month, on Saturdays middle sis is in her reading class from 10-12.

So we head to a nearby mall to kill some time.

My son rarely stands still for a picture.

But I was inspired to take this so I could tell you about this little conversation

that took place a second earlier.

There was a billboard for a lipgloss that makes your lips big.

My son was asking, "Why would anyone want to make their lips big?"

I told him about how ladies seem to like bigger lips.

And that some women will even inject something in them to make them bigger.

To which he replied, "That's weird, why don't they just want to be the 

way God made them?"

And in his ten year old wisdom, he is so right.

"Don't be concerned about the outward 
beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, 

expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.  

You should be known for the beauty

that comes from within, 

the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, 

which is so precious to God."

1 Peter 3:3-4

NLT

listening

I'm in a place of huge transition.

My oldest just turned ten.

Next year my youngest will begin kindergarten.

Oh the plans I had for next year.

All three in school.

The first time in a decade that I could pursue some of those back burner dreams.

Oh the plans.

But the Lord has this way of laughing at our plans.

Not that he's making fun of me.

But His plans are always better.

And not always in line with what we dream up.

But if we trust in Him, rest in Him He will give us 

the desires of our heart.

It's just that sometimes I think our hearts need adjusting.

To be more in line with Him.

Well, certainly it looks like mine does.

Many are the plans in a man's heart,

but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 18:21

I am trusting that there are blessings I can't even conceive 

as I obediently follow this new plan He is giving me.

Lately I've been very aware of the fact that I in no way have the answers. 

And those well laid out plans, well they're being shaken up quite a bit.

I know right about now you're wondering what it is I'm talking about.

Soon, I'll explain.  

But today it's more about the little gifts, the way I'm feeling Him near, cheering me along.

At a time when I was feeling worn down, two surprise gifts in two days arrived in the mail.

One from a friend who didn't even know I was struggling through something.

A friend I hadn't even talked to in awhile.  She heard a gentle whisper from the Lord

and she listened.   And the quote on this sweet little stationery,
well it's absolutely true for me and it made me smile.

And can I tell you how much these simple little gestures made

me feel like God was encouraging me, inspiring others to think of me out of the blue, 

just when I needed an extra dose of love.   

Remember this day where I wrote that I felt so very overwhelmed and so we headed to

the ocean.  I sat and watched and waited and listened.  But on that day I didn't feel

any answers coming my way.  Despite my prayers to hear from the Lord.

Well, weeks later the parking stub from that beach outing was suddenly poking out of my bible.

The bible I use each morning, but the ticket stub I didn't even know had fallen inside.  

I was sort of curious, so I turned to the page it was marking.

My eye went right to this section of Deuteronomy 30:19-20, a section I had underlined some years ago.  But today, in this season it spoke to me in a very specific way.  

"Now choose life, 
so that you and your children may live 
and that you may love the LORD your God, 

listen to his voice, 
and hold fast to him."

The day prior to this I was sharing with a Christian mom with grown children that I felt my gut telling me to do something.  She cautioned me to listen to that gut feeling, the Holy Spirit, because if I start ignoring those promptings or going against them I will stop hearing them so clearly.

With this verse suddenly being brought to my attention, I felt the Lord again guiding me in the way I should go.  In this I have felt comforted, just sensing Him right here with me.  

So I'm about to walk in new territory.  

I'm in this place of so not knowing what the future

looks like and so not feeling humanly capable.

I'm resting and waiting and listening to the Lord.

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; 

I will counsel you and watch over you."

Psalm 32:8

As I get older and grow up I've learned how to just be comfortable with the not knowing.

Because I so wholeheartedly know He knows.

I find myself sitting in what should be overwhelmingly scary.

But I feel at peace.  I feel strong.  I feel His presence.

It's just as His word says it should be.  

Through the last ten years of studying the bible,

putting this truth into practice I see time and again just how much it truly works.

Because the old me would be spinning.

But the Lord is giving me a peace beyond comprehension.  

And so I'll put my next foot forward, listening to the still small voice of the Holy Spirit.

I have no idea how I'll manage it all.

But I know He'll provide the answers as I need them.

And most of all I can't wait to see Him show up and show off.

I'm a patient girl and I know His timing is not mine.

So I'm sitting tight, excited to see how He will use this for good in all of our lives.

315. surprise gifts

316. birthday celebrations

317. lazy saturday mornings

318. a son growing up

319. the still small Voice

320. spring vacation countdown

321. the girl's made up songs about celebrating God

322. baseball season 

323. date nights

324. a friend offering her help

the cross

"He was wounded for our transgressions, 

He was bruised for our iniquities.  

The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, 

and by His stripes we are healed." 

Isaiah 53:5 

An unexpected winter break was the perfect chance to travel south to visit one of the historic California Missions.  

A self guided tour took us through the cobblestone pathways and age worn arches to  soak in the artifacts and wonder about the Indians and Friars that once lived here. 

I wanted this fourth grade rite of passage to come to life for my son.

What I didn't expect was the curiosity this statue would stir in my children.

They've never seen a life-size replica of Jesus.  

The man they read and talk about, study, pray to, and whose spirit is within them.

They ran ahead and began to touch and feel.

I don't believe in worshipping graven images.

But what I saw was this intrigue.  The statue caused them to imagine.

Just as being at the mission allowed them to replay a time in history.  

They were putting themselves in Jesus' place.

Thinking of what it would be like to carry the weight of the cross along with him.

"And come, take up the cross, and follow me."  

Mark 10:21 

Pondering the magnitude of what He did for all of us.

"For he made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, 

that we might become the righteousness of God in Him."

2 Corinthians 5:20-21

I see it here in his eyes.  He's not just looking at a statue. 

"looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, 

who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross."

Hebrews 12:2

There's something about really envisioning the moment you'll see Jesus face to face.

It's so overwhelming my words can't describe.  The awe.  The peace.  The comfort.  The joy.

He so holy, perfect, without sin.  In our flesh, we're so broken, imperfect, sinful.  This child close to turning ten that has stretched me and grown me and pulled me and torn at my heart in so many ways.  We're in a new territory of him trying to push away.  I say I can't let you continue to sin in your behavior towards me.  But is my behavior sinless, my pride, my anger I feel building inside.  I pray for guidance as we navigate these new waters.  I pray to keep the heart of my child in the midst of boundaries he does not like. 

I need this Lent to be a time of fasting and emptying of myself in order to fill my heart with greater compassion towards my child's struggles.  Sometimes I just see a battle of wills, but forget that he has his own trials, hidden behind the disobedience.  A dear friend whispered this advice to me, compassion.  Just have compassion.  It sounds so simple, but sometimes the layers of challenges before me, weigh me down and I forget.  

But the one who fathers both me and my child.  He is the one carrying the weight.  I need to go back to the cross.  In doing so, I feel utter gratitude at His patience, His forgiveness.  I pray to embody that more and more for my son.  Because I am to be a reflection of his heavenly father.  The One who is always forgiving.  

He sees our repentant hearts, washes away our sin and makes us whole because He chose to go to the cross.  

"by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands.

This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.

He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to shame,

by triumphing over them in him."  

Colossians 2:14-15

As I approached she said, "I'm hugging Jesus Mommy."

Her innocent, sweet spirit looked lovingly.  

Reflecting on her Savior, the one she praises daily, thanking Him for the cross.

I join her in thankfulness for such a sacrifice and the gift of eternity by His side.  

"But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives.  

And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior."  

Philippians 3:20

303. sitting quietly

304. fresh air

305. staying calm when my flesh doesn't want to

306. being able to laugh at something that at one time would have hurt

307. sensing healing

308. knowing God is at work in the midst of a very big challenge

309. resting in Him while I have to wait for answers

310. a healthy chocolate pudding recipe made from avocado that the kids loved

311. stories at night

312. holding onto little hands

313. celebrating a friends birthday with pedicures

314. friends that pray in the midst of troubles

sometimes

the mountains you have to climb
feel oh so very big.
And you need to just get away.
and get outside to run and play.

Watching the birds

and dolphins passing by.  I feel Him near.

Breathing it all in I sit and pray, watch and wait.

I'm still waiting.  But feel some clarity dawning.
I've had a couple of days of feeling so very weak.
But I know there is a plan.
There is a purpose.

And I know He will strengthen me.
I think I know where the Holy Spirit is leading.
But it feels very overwhelming.
And I struggle a lot with not wanting to make a mistake.

I keep hearing a whisper.  Even in those twilight moments when you first wake.
Before you're fully conscious.  These are the moments when I know it is Him.
And He is speaking this simple truth.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, 
no mind has conceived what God has 

prepared for those who love him." 
1 Corinthians 2:9

For those who love him.  This child of mine, she finds hearts absolutely everywhere we go. In the shape of a leaf, a fallen flower, a gap in the clouds, and always rocks by the shore.  They find her and she them.  And I don't doubt that they are placed there by the Lord, a message for her, for me.

I do not yet see.  My mind can't conceive.
But God knows.  He doesn't make mistakes.
And I know He is bigger than my mountains.

"I will go before you and will level the mountains;

I will break down gates of bronze

and cut through bars of iron."

Isaiah 45:2

I'm praying for wisdom, for clarity.  I'm doing my due diligence, but
I'm also trying to rest in knowing that the Lord has a plan even though
I do not yet understand.  And he is paving the way.

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, 
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;

I will turn the darkness into light before them 
and make the rough places smooth.  
These are the things I will do for them; 
I will not forsake them.  
Isaiah 42:16