Friday, October 8, 2010

Peace Beyond The Blur

It's returning.
I know I've been quiet here lately. 
That doesn't mean lots of things haven't crossed 
my mind to write about.

Sometimes finding the time to sit and actually do it, 
just doesn't happen.

But I'm happy to say that order feels like it is returning
And with it, a sense of calmness and peace.

But in the midst of that there are still conflicts and little annoyances and general 'fuzziness' which I'll explain a little later.

But I think I'm having to learn to just be OK with the blur. 
  In the midst of all of this, I'm hearing some life lessons God is whispering to me.

Because of the medication I'm on for the lupus I have to get my eyes checked twice a year.  One of the side effects is vision loss.  It sounds scary.  And in the beginning my doctor made me a bit freaked out at that thought.  But the vision loss hardly ever happens anymore and if it is going to happen they can detect it before the damage is done, which is why I get them checked twice a year.

That day was today.

So a bulk of my morning was spent in a blur.  I don't like that feeling.  I think it's something about how I wrestle with needing to be in control and feeling so fuzzy, 
it's definitely an out of control feeling. 

Once the whole procedure was over I returned to my car to discover I had a ticket on my windshield.  It's a fifty dollar ticket for being angled the wrong way.  But there were two sets of lines in the lot and I honestly wasn't sure which way to park.  I clearly made the wrong choice.

That's annoying.  I'm hoping I can fight it.

It's the little things like this that just keep cropping up.  
I've been thinking that the Lord is really giving me a chance to exercise staying focused on Him in the midst of the fuzziness.

To keep looking up through these little annoyances that seem to add up in small ways throughout the day.

I've been wrestling with wanting things to be smooth and calm.  I'm a person who likes peace.  But my kids fight or fall and there's screaming and crying.  The dog hurt her leg again and is limping.  The computer keeps freezing and eight hours of digital painting is 'corrupt'.  The document will no longer open and I have to start again.  There are doctor visits and tickets and decisions with directions that feel blurry.

 I think yearning for the smooth and calm is possibly not the point.   I think God is teaching me to create the calmness in the midst of the chaos.  To find ways to rest and relax in Him while these 'troubles' (which he said there would be*) continue to find me though I try 
my best to avoid them. 

*"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. 
In this world you will have trouble. 
But take heart! I have overcome the world."  
John 16:33

I know that all of these things are super minor so I'm not trying to sound like I'm complaining.  There are far bigger troubles in life.   I'm just writing about those little pesky things that can add up to try to steal your joy.  I'm finding I need to be careful not to let the enemy chip away at me.

We've created some more boundaries on our time and what we can and cannot do in order to put a hedge of protection around our family time and our sense of order at home.  

I made some good habit charts for the kids that seem to be working out well. I have my own 'mental' good habit chart, but perhaps a grown up one would be a good incentive too. ;)

And the crock pot is quickly becoming my best friend.

I start dinner somewhere between eleven and one o'clock and when we get home from school it's nearly ready.  It takes some planning ahead.  But it's that extra step of preparation that clears a path through a time that can be chaotic.

It creates time for me to sit with my kids and enjoy them and help with homework without feeling pulled in too many directions.

It really is about the little things, the small every day decisions, isn't it?  Little adjustments here and there that 
make all the difference.

It makes all the difference on our perspective and our legacy.  

I listen to KKLA when I'm in the car.  It's the Christian talk radio station here in Los Angeles.  I get to hear a lot of the programs about families.  This week Focus On The Family spoke about the legacy we're leaving our kids and future generations.  

It has made me think a lot about being intentional every day with my love and my time because I'm building a legacy for how my children will remember me and honor me.  

I want to be remembered for having loved them and poured into their lives.  I want them to be able to say they know what a godly woman, wife and mother looks like because of how I'm living my life.  And I want them to know Jesus better because of how they see Him glorified in my life.   

"She is clothed with strength and dignity:
she can laugh at the days to come. 
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed; 
her husband also, and he praises her:
'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.'
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
Proverbs 31:25-30

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