The day went mostly well.
She was happy, excited, everything was fine.
And then everything was not.
I have no pictures of that part of the day.
Because she was glued to my lap.
There were too many grown ups and too many things where you had to put yourself out there.
So she held my hand and I walked with her as she turned over her name card.
When they played the game with their favorite stuffed animal she whispered in my ear so I could share her pony's name, Sparkly.
These are the moments my heart hurts for her.
But this is her and God made her this way.
I'm sensitive to the way she feels because I was the very same way at her age.
I get it and I also know there's a world of energy and thoughts and ideas and creativity swirling around inside her mind.
She's just careful when and to whom she lets them out. She needs to feel safe and comfortable. And today right away just didn't feel safe.
I know she won't always feel this way. Or perhaps a small part of her will, but she'll push past it as I've learned to do.
But don't we all get slightly nervous when we have to speak in front of a group of strangers. I think different personalities just handle things in different ways.
So today she snuggled into mom and held my hand because it made her feel safe.
I think the hard part for me will be wondering if she feels like she needs my hand tomorrow and the next day, but I won't be there.
But this is part of life and learning and growing. And she has four amazing teachers who will be there to hold her hand to help her and she'll learn that people outside of your family will reach out to you and become your friend.
The day ended better again. Playing on the bike, the swing, running to say hi to an older girl who is a friend because her big brother is friends with Ava's brother. It helps to have a big brother at school.
Oh man how I wished I had one when I was growing up. But she does. They are so lucky. Sometimes they know it. Sometimes they don't. No matter what I hope and pray they always look out for each other and know how blessed they are to have one another.